Bar Mitzvah Superhits of the 80s 90s and Today

by Athens Boys Choir

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03:19
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credits

released October 19, 2008

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Track Name: Fagette
FAGETTE

Hello! I’m a true switch from Athens, G-A
Going to protests, high-fiving the gays
I’m a single, white, eh That on any given day,
may have a tendency towards homosexualitaaaay, heeey, heeey, heeey

I’m a F-A-G-E-TT-E
A twinkle toes when disrobed got double X’s in rows
Got gender troubles in loads
I need a man that can handle what’s underneath these clothes

Cause I got a V to the A-G- I-N-A
But no P-E-N-I-S Env-ay
Cause fo real doh
I got a Dildo,
I got two Dildos
I got three Dildos

Now it takes two to fellacio but only one to tango
You know I mean business when I pop in Luther Vandros
I’m an equal opportunity lover,
I like the boys, girls, and others
L-G-BTQ-I-LMNOP
Apples and oranges, they’re all fruits to me

I like ‘em big
I like ‘em small
I like 'em tall
I like Rupaul

So here’s to the girls with the Chubby Chub
Here’s to the boys ain’t got no butt
To the Sexy nerds, the freaks, the butches, and the Geeks
The bears, the s and m’s, and the femme lesbians

I’m a pansexual,
I got my hands on the manual,
I’m a smooth Jew – a bar mitzvah party animal

I’m a F-A-G-E-TT-E
A twinkle toes when disrobed got double X’s in rows
Got gender troubles in loads
I need a man that can handle what’s underneath these clothes

Cause I got a V to the A-G- I-N-A
But no P-E-N-I-S Env-ay
Cause fo’ real doh
I got a Dildo,
I got two Dildos
I got three Dildos

Now have you heard, I’m speaking the good word
There’s been rumors that I tutored Ms. Cleo about the future.
Yeah, you remember her - the fortuneteller from TV
$2.99 a minute for a little ESP.
She said Team Gina Gonna Dance you sweaty.
She said the Athens Boys Choir is just one little fairy.

But I don’t stop believing
Hold on to that feeling.
See I keep dreaming of my posters on ceilings
And independent artists being reviewed in Dynamite Magazine
We’d rap back like slap bracelets, a throw back to the 80’s
Like before Kirk Cameron went fundamentalist
and we all wanted to have his little babies.
And Doogie Houser was the smartest guy we knowed
We were coo-coo for cocoa and had no clue about a TV station like LOGO

We were all Reaganomics and synthesized beats,
Doing the Running Man, Reebok pumps on our feets.
And al those dances, I could never get it
So I step back because the only slide I know..is electric

Boogie-woogie-woogie-woogie

I’m a F-A-G-E-TT-E
A twinkle toes when disrobed got double X’s in rows
Got gender troubles in loads
I need a man that can handle what’s underneath these clothes

Cause I got a V to the A-G- I-N-A
But no P-E-N-I-S Env-ay
Cause fo’ real doh
I got a Dildo,
I got two Dildos
I got three Dildos

So you can pick one that’s just your size
If not, we’ll go buy that fits just right

We’re all one love, two love, ménage à trios
Queer love, het love, Whatevah’
Track Name: Mourner's Prayer
Mourner's Prayer
Words By: Harvey Katz/ Athens Boys CHoir

Across the bridge there are a million lights,
A night-rider I’m driving with NYC on my right.

Steering wheel in my hand,
Journal tight on my thigh,
And at 70 MPH, highway lines hypnotize and meditative thoughts materialize.

Where I’m chugging across interstates,
Berated by inquisitive nouns,
Looking cock-eyed at inquisitive towns that wonder what this countrified city boy hides.

And this time it’s Raleigh to DC, New York and Philly.
A pullout couch on Monday a loveseat on Tuesday

And on days this gray
I fold into myself like clovers after dusk
And on days this cold
I wonder what the road holds that could beat a concept of home and I say the mourners prayer almost without thinking:

{Hebrew}
Yis'ga'dal v'yis'kadash sh'may ra'bbo

Yes, I do believe in G-d
And No, this isn’t Columbine,
I’m not answering this with my life on the line

But when the student asked me this question “Do you believe in G-d?” after an hour long trans 101 lesson,
She was looking for a lifeline.
Because her whole lifetime she believed in water into wine,
Dying for your sins,
And walking on liquid,
And here I was, taking Adam’s rib and turning it into something she had to question.

{Hebrew}
Yis'ga'dal v'yis'kadash sh'may ra'bbo

Yehudus bat Leah
The loss of a daughter with the
Gaining of a son
And, um, “like wouldn’t it be easier if you just picked one?”

For you? Yes. Probably.
For me? Well it’s all speculatory,
For my Family? Yes.

See yesterday I cut off the last parts of me recognizable in my Mother’s Silhouette.
A pound in a half in tomorrow yesterday’s trash and I’m a little bit regret and a little bit happiness.

Witness Self-hate.
Witness mutation.
Witness my father’s even breaths breaking into hysteria and negotiations. Witness awakening.

See I went to sleep proud and woke up feeling like a sell-out. Like I’m putting out for the binary.
Like I’m fucking the system that wouldn’t put up with me.
Like now I’m part of this silent hierarchy we’ve set up for those who have transitioned medically.

When really, that’s not how I feel at all. So I’m calling on my community to commute. To move past passing judgment.

Because it was 26 years before I saw anything beautiful in me.
26 years. Each with 365 days between.
Nearly 10,000 dawns and dysphoria.

Of waking under waterfalls, waiting to be washed clean or carried off.
And we are 80% water,
Fluidity seems only natural,
To change state; a birthright.

Isn’t that what we’re taught?
That energy is neither gained nor lost
From Lava to Mountain,
From fire to rock.

{Hebrew}
Yis'ga'dal v'yis'kadash sh'may ra'bbo

See there are places in the highway where the exits grow so far apart that what is conceptually just a little ways to go becomes fifty miles of road between you and your goal.

{Hebrew}
Yis'ga'dal v'yis'kadash sh'may ra'bbo

It is a conversational prayer
The service leader says one thing and the congregation answers.

[Hebrew}
v'yispoar v'yisromam v'yismasay

It s a dialogue of repair.
Of patchwork in asphalt,
Of road kill and tar-snakes and making piece.

Across the bridge there are a million lights.
A night-rider I’m driving hoping instinct leads me to insight.
Track Name: Mama Needs A Hug
Far from the front lines, I’m sitting on my front porch,
A Fair bit, a far cry from Iraq, Afganistan, or Darfur.
Realizing that I’ve spent nearly all of my 20’s in a country at war.

What is it good for?
The spoils of this Vic.tor.y.
Green to lines the drawers under Chenney’s Khaki’s

And there isn’t anything revolutionary in this speech
I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said before.
Fool me twice, it’s common knowledge that those coffins come back in the nights
Darkness,
And I harness this hardness and remain disheartened.
I want to wrap my arms around my friends.
I want a restart button.
A rewind mechanism.
Anything to make what currently is…isn’t.

My hands have gone from two fingers wide in the air.
To five in the palm
And I’m not mad anymore America.
I’m Done.

Put down your guns America I need a hug.
Come over here America, give mama some love.

I know you’re better than this.
The only reason I rode you so hard is that I know deep down in your heart,
You’re not bad America,
You’re just scarred.

Your parents were lousy rolemodels
Your children left behind
Your Forefathers left a trail of tears
Your Levees didn’t survive
But we will.

I know this because I’ve witnessed.
Witnessed compassion.
Witnessed the passion of the elderly.
Witnessed random acts of kindness
And the power of eyewitness of things that we can’t forget
But we can forgive if you just live and let live

Because you’re kind of pushy America
You want in my pants.
You made me go to a therapist to verify who I am.
You have a say in my clothing when I leave my lodging.
You made illegal in my home things I find pretty f’n exciting.
You make me declare my profits, then you skim from the top,
You monitor my phone calls and emails and I can’t make you stop.
You say you didn’t know you were bad,
You make all sorts of excuses,
I’m no professional America. But I think our relationship may be abusive.

Hey I’m just calling it like I see it,
I’m not totally negative,
With the bad comes the good.
There are so mane things about you I love.

I love the Spanish moss of the coastal Carolina’s
I found a place for peace in my heart in the red rocks of Utah

I love your Captain Crunch
Your football Sunday’s
Your freedom fries, your impulse buys,
Your blond haired Jesus ,
Your Tila Tequila.

I love love love your Bennigans birthday song
And I know it’s not what’s going to change the world but it’s a start.

SO what do you say America…you and Me,
Me. And. You.
There’s a chance for us to recover.

So Put down your guns America I need a hug.
Come over here America, give mama some love.